2 weeks. Its been a long time. Theres something in my heart that makes every breath i take so heavy.Today , i am going to drop that thing , that issue.Friends, every one need them. Even I do. Those who know me , will know that i do have a lot of dreams every night. Last night , i dreamt that i was in class , fighting with en ning over a pair of spectacles. Gave him a punch in eye that broke his specs and blinded him. No , i didnt cry , i laughed. I then woke up. I sat up and thought , if i were to blind him in my dreams with no sense of remorse , what the hell is wrong with me.
Then i thought of the things i have thought about these few days.Why did i used to think that i must change to fit in. Why must i fit in with the rest?Then it came to me. I do not want to be whacked , to be teased. I could have never retaliated without the whole gang gang up against me. Enough is enough. A man never gangs up on others. Is there no more honour in this world? Is there no one else that believe in that?
Then i thought , its about time. I believe there will be people out there who will befriend me for who i am and not what i want to be.If i have to lose my friends , so be it.People who do not friend me for who i am are not my true friends anyway.
Also , why do i have to put up with people that hurt me.Today on , i will not tolerate any of those shit. A punch shall be returned with a punch. An insult shall be returned with another. If those people are going to gang up on me like they did , i will do the appropriate thing to do. Wake up , you people. No one owes you guys anything. People don't have to behave the way you all prefer to be your friend.
On top of all that, who really understand me ? All you know is who i want you all to believe i am. How far do you comprehend my words? We grew up in different worlds. There is no way i could be like you all. I grew up in a world of novels ,nature and notes.How about you all? The thing between us is not that i don't like you all. Just that you guys can not understand me and always misunderstand me. A word in itself can have alot of meanings , the meaning of that word is determined by nothing. A man is free to choose how he interprets that word.Sadly , none of you will be able to understand my interpretation. What may seem just harmlessly funny may sound retarded and hurtful to you all. Vice versa.
No one owes you all anything , don't use the word 'friend' as a threat. Don't say 'On the account that we are friends , cant you just do this and that ?' Use that phrase one too many times and you will lose that friend.
Too many things have happened recently. Note that this post is not influenced by any one. Its just that i feel its an appropriate time to bring this up. I feel not anger but of regret , remorse and resent. Hiaz... what will happen next , i do not know. Perhaps the legendary TFBA is gonna come. I am prepared for it. I just needed to get this off my heart.
posted at [10:35 AM]
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