Thursday, November 24, 2005
Day = Ruined. For a long time , i try and i try. On the phone , off the phone , sms ,msn and any other methods. I tried to put that smile back on your face.However, it all lasts only momentarily.
Are you happy ? No you are not. Why are you not happy? It is because you refuse to be happy. Why is it that no one understands you ? Its because you refuse to let others do so. Why is it that no one seems to care? Its because you push them away when they tried to.
Its not like Im giving up hope. But im weary , im really exhausted. Sometimes , i wish that things were just like before. Like before , when i no longer would open a msn chat box with you , yet not even type a single word to you. Like before , where things were much simpler.
How could i help you , when you dont tell me anything? It only makes me tired , dispirited. Aghz... forget it , i lost my sanity today.
posted at [7:43 PM]
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Wednesday, November 16, 2005
So i was sitting on my butt playing maple story but my mind simply couldn't concentrate , i kept letting the lorangs hit me. Normally , i would have been pissed at myself for being so noob. Today , I felt... Numb. My mind was on something else. 11:07am. Hm... it has been almost 2 hours. Will it really take that long ? Is everything all right? Should i verify?
I asked myself , ' Keep calm. What is the correct thing to do?'. The angel told me ,' Be nice , just wait. The truth will come to light when fate decides so.' The devil then said, 'Hey dude , you are Peng Yu. Wait ? Is that the kind of lame shit you are? Wait and Worry? Hell no. Fuck it and just get some one down to check it out.'
Hm...I felt so tempted to obey the Devil in me. Yet my heart was screaming out loud for me to stop. I should do the correct thing. If the person refuses to tell me , there should be a good reason for it. By ethics , that is the correct way to do it. By calling some one to go find out the truth , i may some how spoil the fun for that person. At the same time , i also do not wish to find out the truth. What if the truth is as i expected? Would i be hurt ?
Then again the devil said , ' Hey , that sures beats being the nervous wreck you are now. Wait till i take a picture of how freaking retarded you are behaving now and show it to others.'
Should i for once , listen to the angel? I decided to after all.Because i do not want to hurt the other person. At least , i believe that the person would eventually tell me the truth. The truth always hurt less when its from the person involved.
posted at [12:52 PM]
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Sunday, November 13, 2005
It has been a long time. I think i would do well. I studied a bit. I finished almost all the questions. But there are times when things just dont go your way. You never know when life might just lash back at you. When you think every thing is going to be fine , it smacks you in the face, causing you to lose everything. I just hope my life does not hit a wall here.
Graduation? Sometimes , i just feel like leaving. I feel that way because things have changed , people that really cares about me have long gone to new grounds. The people around me , sometimes , i trust them , but i am still wary.I no longer want to be held by rules.
Is leaving that good ? Sometimes , i do look back and realise i will miss those days i hanged out with my classmates , my friends. Will i ever lay my hands on another basketball? Will i ever get involved in another whackfest? Will our jokes still be funny? What will become of us ? Where would we go? Would our fragile friendship withstand the test of time?
But i understand , its time to leave , to move on.
Looking back at my past , my diary , my archives , i realised i changed. From some innocent kid who cares all about fun , i changed. I changed into a cynical , cold hearted , ruthless person who wont give 2 hoots about that dying old lady by the road. Perhaps thats what they call maturity, to prepare us for the cruel society ahead. Thanks for the people who made me this way.
Still , i would love to thank the people that made me feel that there is still a purpose in life. First off , my family. Though they often act like they don't care , giving me alot of trouble, some how , i am who i am due to them.
Next ,Ser Chuan , Mojo , Jing , Vye , Mel , Elaine , Zi yang and the whole of extended family of smac gang. I feel so happy whenever i hang out with you all. Its like ... i feel at ease , at peace and for some reason , you guys were always there with me. You people have made an impact in my life that is meant to stay in my heart.
My classmates. True , there are times i dislike the things you all do. But deep down in my heart, i have never once hated you all for long. The joyful and sad times that we spent together, it will be remembered for years to come. I apologise for being a drag in class and often doing things that you all may not understand , things that you all dislike.
The other people who have in a way made my life a better one, Thanks. Chun yan, for tagging my board , at least i feel theres a point in blogging and some one concerned about my uninteresting life. Summer , for every time i chat with you , you tend to cheer me up. The list is endless , even that stranger in maple story that gave the happy face to me today , you made me happier too.
But of course , theres one person that really makes a big difference to my life. You know who you are and i all i want to say is thank you and sorry for anything thing i have done to make you unhappy.
posted at [10:14 PM]
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