Stoned.Yeah , often you see me stoning. At least im thinking. Not like some people i know who stone and even their brains turn to stone too.
Perhaps its maybe i always give this kind of look during lessons that no one thinks im listening. Especially maths.I do listen but i do get sick of my teacher who goes on and on repeating the same old shit. I don't know why , despite telling her the answers and assuring her i really know to do, she still bugs me. There are so many ppl out there who dont have a freakin clue lor. Why pick on me? So today , she ask me to go do maths and not go for recess. So i said.NO FOOD , NO WORK. Yup, didnt eat during recess.
Sometimes i wonder , are humans really stupid or what? They spent their entire lifetime studying. Yet , they dont like studying at all. Then why study ? Many of them study so they can have a comfortable life. Some study to become rich. So what if they got the best jobs , the highest pays , being the richest men? So what if they are considered the high class society people? SO WHAT ? Eventually , we all die and all our materialistic things will be left on this mortal world. So what what do we gain in the end? Our descendants fighting over the inheritance? Is there any purpose ?
Really , some people out there , should really go think about why they are studying.Really , if i had my way , had the ability to turn back time, i would try to study harder. I believe i would really be happy if i could follow my dreams.And that is to be a lawyer. So many poor honest people out there can't afford to hire lawyers , yet so many rich fat bastards out there could hire the top-notch lawyers to get them out of any sticky situation.Is there any justice left in this world?If i could , i would help those people as much as i could , to fight for what i think is right. And if i really do become rich , perhaps i will retire to a small village by the beach in some remote area. Teach the kids there more things so they can fend for themselves. Yeah , i believe in doing social work. But life is so hectic , i barely have time to even listen to my self.
On top of all , i don't read newspaper or books because i want to 'improve' my english. Its just that i have a hunger for knowledge. Then why don't i study in school? Pretty obvious eh ? The teachers tell me the same thing over and over and over again that i got so sick of them that i don't feel motivated to listen to their lesson ever again.
But then again, to be more realistic lar ,i would rather work to become and interior designer , an army officer, or possibly take up business. Still havent decide on what course to take. But all those are my passion except joining the army. Its simply so that i can protect the things i love. That includes that special some one , my family and of course the many many other things that are important in my life.
Note of the day: I wonder how many people can actually comprehend what i write.
posted at [10:52 PM]
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So i sat at the bus stop.One , two , three , four , so on and on until the 19th taxi. Then the bus came.Life can be so ironic.Just a few days ago, i was looking for a taxi and 3 buses came by and no taxis. So at taxi 15 , i stretched out my legs, thinking .... some random thoughts. That includes me killing some one with a pencil , a axe dropping from the sky and many other funny stuff. So i dreamt and dreamt until some old man rode his bicycle over my feet. OMG, TEH PAIN>!. So i sat up and the bus came. Tell me , what should i be feeling. All i felt was void. Simply emptiness.
Perhaps this is the result of living in such a violent and stupid world. That pain and stupidity was simply nothing compared to what i face each day.
Lost is the best way to describe my feeling for today. I feel so lost today.Totally devoid of feelings.Again like i said, living continously in a unfeeling world can rip those feelings off me.
STUPIDITY KILLS.
posted at [11:07 PM]
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Wasted a day of my life playing gunbound. Damn those people... i hit them they should ' Mai Cibai la' Wtf language is that. Kill them they say , 'Tyco 1 lar , come kill me again lar'. Win the game ,they scream ' Aimbot user !! F off !!'
hm.. reminds me of some ppl i know. HAd long john silver combo 1 plus 1 chicken and upsize of drink as usual for dinner. Should have been jogging this afternoon.Should be studying now. Really ,im so great at making plans , but i always fail to follow up.Gotta go sleep soon or sth. 5 days of battle starting in only 8 hrs from now.
Remember life is good. After that 5 days , i get 2 days off again. I mean , who has it better than i do ? Wahahahahaha... At least now i got mojo and jing to play gunbound with me. No longer only , zi yang play with me. Sheesh. I wonder if my blog is going to cause more misunderstandings or shed more light on the truth. People really love to use my blog as a representation that i hate every one. Duh... get this clear. YOU WILL NEVER FIND ANY CONCRETE EDVIDENCE IN MY BLOG THAT I HATE SOME ONE. I will never hate people , but then again ,maybe yes, you will never know. Lets just say , there are more effective words out there to use.
posted at [10:35 PM]
Sat, today is really relaxed away.Finished up what i supposed to do also already 5pm liao , then go walk around , buy some stuff for myself. Chocolate Classico from Four Seasons. Pretty expensive for a cake lar , but i really felt like eating it. But i didnt eat everything wor, i left like half a piece for my sister. Reached home at around 9 or so? Rot rot rot until now , until my sister finally go to sleep.
So... every thing is back to normal. D&T Project only left the folio that i need to worry about.Going to start studying already . At least 5 hours a week bah... Mai slack liao , must quick quick study well , go to Tp or Sp go see chio bu. Kranji is like so .... yucks. After melvyn and the freaking gang is gone , its kinda boring. Those sec 1-4 i cant even be bothered to talk to them. And the sec 5s , well... just lack of chemistry.Really , i got nothing against them. Perhaps just they lack something or i lack something that is required between our communication.
And ... Damn, mojo's manga is with me for so long , i better return to him. Kinda forogt about it...Until yesterday he gave me some sort of fucked up reply when i asked sth about melvyn then i remember.Mojo, melvyn may be a hooker , but please dont bring it up too often :p.
Any way , life's great.Back to the good ole me. Why bother laughing or smiling when you freakin dont feel like it ? No one appreciates manners or courtesy any more. At least where i study at now. Intellectual Sacarsm is not some thing 'In' any more , its those freakin crude jokes thats at work now.
Also , people that use vulgarities without knowing their meaning is so so gross.When i scold them incestous bastard or friggin moron, they start saying , Chee Bye Lar (Vagina lar in hokkien). OMG , how weird could that get? Or when i say dont fuck around with me, they say , fuck your lan jiao lar ( Fuck your penis). Again OMG, how could you fuck your penis??? Ah... hokkien vulgarities do NOT make you look cool.When use appropriately , its good. When used for the sake of being used, it sounds utterly stupid. Some people should learn that.
I'm not afraid of isolation. I'm more afraid of having to mix with idiots or morons.Probably thats why i don't talk to people on gunbound way too often.Those ppl gotta learn to speak decently.
Words are like a guns and bullets. Some one could get hurt on either side of the gun. Once fired , can never be taken back. Different people have different interpretion on why and where the gun is being shot.Last but not the least , bullets are not connected to each other. One might be used to distract , one to maim and the last to kill. Figure it out. You might have just been shot.
posted at [12:26 AM]
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For those who wonder why i believe in a religion , i believe it because i can see it. WHy bother praying to some dead bastards that you didn't even existed. Claimed got all the mambo jumbo almighty powers yet do shit to prove it.Nature is some thing we can see , we can experience and we can feel. Have you all not seen the power of nature yet ? Or are you too afraid to recieve it? But dont worry , im not some bastard from some stupid place such a place named CHC that will try ways and means to convert you. If you fucking dont believe it or like it , Leave. Its as simple as that.
Now... to another point i wanna bring across to the mofos out there.No one owes you anything. Don't freaking come up to me and ask me , 'why aren't you doing this and that for me.' The thing is , im not obliged to do any thing for any one. I do things for others because i want to make the world a happier place , just don't think im doing it because i am supposed to do it for you. When it gets to this point , bugger , you are gonna get hell from me.
< rant >
Winning an arguement does not mean being unreasonable. One this day after school , i said to wieming and ziyang , if that freaking Jesus said that incest is a totally behaviour that we should not practice, why does he promote it? If god created adam and eve, wouldnt they to perform incestous acts to reproduce? Then some bugger had to come up to me say , at that time , there was no sins. I said , then what about now ? You mean God can say its not a sin when he and subjects commit it and when others commit it , its a sin?Then that bugger said , God is a supreme being that is free to judge us. So i said , who is he and what rights does he have. So that bugger said , because god is god so he can judge any one. So i said , Ok.... Peng yu is Peng yu and i can judge any one too right? He said , if you dont believe then it doesnt concern me, and why should i be bothered with things that dont concern me.He also said, by the way im not a christian.
OMG.! Then why does me talking to ziyang concern him? EVen if he was christian , it didnt concern him , because it was OUR conversation. Likewise , see ? People that believe their stupid Jesus and god often tend to bite their own tounges. Say that some thing is the right thing and yet they practice it even way before any one else did and said they were in the right. Hence God ,Jesus , etc. etc. = Do any thing we want , say its the wrong for others to do and we do it again and we are still in the right. If you are christian or with any fucking religion that feels that what i say is so so wrong , bugg off. Other wise , try convincing me. I do not mean , being unreasonable.For some reason , some people with religion are still so short sighted and stupid , i wonder what good their religion really does for them.< /rant >
posted at [8:23 PM]
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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taoism
So i did do something constructive yesterday. I was studying more about my religion. Yeah, i believe in Taoism. I believe in living in peace , in one with nature.Actually , until yesterday , i was not really sure of my religion. Now i learnt a few things more about my religion , i choose to follow it.Besides , Taoism preaches about the things i believed in since long ago. Heh. Going to jog later.
posted at [9:11 AM]
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Song Recomendation : Brave Heart and Deep Forest. Msg me in msn to request for song.
Damn, woke up late again. Damn damn damn. I would really to go somewhere today. Stupid weather. I woke up at 8 and i thought i would be on time. Then i saw the rain. Stoned. yeah... stoned till i fell asleep again.I must go do something constructive later.
. will edit post later in the day
posted at [11:15 AM]
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Hate.The strongest word that we might use in our entire life without fully understanding how strong it is.Then again , i was told by some of my friends who are do not know these people a few things:
1) If i do not treat them as friends , why should i bother about them?
2) If i do not have hope in them , why do i bother talking to them?
3) If i do not trust them , why do i say the truth?
So i thought , yeah , i still treat them as friends. BUT , i do not like their certain actions and attitude towards me.
Then again , back to the one guy that has been a hot topic. Why do you all 'hate' him? Is he really too smart for you all to comprehend? Or the fact that you guys simply got irritated so badly by 1 small thing he said? Are you guys that weak? Then let me ask you guys something.Aren't you guys being even worse , losing to some one who you all deem weak. If he is weak yet he can make you all angry with such small things , you are even weaker.
A strong man does not get affected by others say of him but rather , he gets affected by his own actions. A weak man is one that get affected by the words of others and never by his own actions. Don't you all feel bad ? So many of you ganging up against him?
Oh and just one thing im pissed with though. Don't ever challenge some one with your results. Academic results do not proof everything.Just in case you didn't know , all the computers you are using are created by people that are lower educated than you. And ever heard of multi intillegence? If you don't know, obviously you are not listening in class. A man who speaks all the time , yet cant listen for nuts will never succeed.
Also just to note , my post may be using men as a reference , but the same time applies to women too.Doesn't mean that you are a girl , i don't think the same about you.
posted at [9:07 PM]
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2 weeks. Its been a long time. Theres something in my heart that makes every breath i take so heavy.Today , i am going to drop that thing , that issue.Friends, every one need them. Even I do. Those who know me , will know that i do have a lot of dreams every night. Last night , i dreamt that i was in class , fighting with en ning over a pair of spectacles. Gave him a punch in eye that broke his specs and blinded him. No , i didnt cry , i laughed. I then woke up. I sat up and thought , if i were to blind him in my dreams with no sense of remorse , what the hell is wrong with me.
Then i thought of the things i have thought about these few days.Why did i used to think that i must change to fit in. Why must i fit in with the rest?Then it came to me. I do not want to be whacked , to be teased. I could have never retaliated without the whole gang gang up against me. Enough is enough. A man never gangs up on others. Is there no more honour in this world? Is there no one else that believe in that?
Then i thought , its about time. I believe there will be people out there who will befriend me for who i am and not what i want to be.If i have to lose my friends , so be it.People who do not friend me for who i am are not my true friends anyway.
Also , why do i have to put up with people that hurt me.Today on , i will not tolerate any of those shit. A punch shall be returned with a punch. An insult shall be returned with another. If those people are going to gang up on me like they did , i will do the appropriate thing to do. Wake up , you people. No one owes you guys anything. People don't have to behave the way you all prefer to be your friend.
On top of all that, who really understand me ? All you know is who i want you all to believe i am. How far do you comprehend my words? We grew up in different worlds. There is no way i could be like you all. I grew up in a world of novels ,nature and notes.How about you all? The thing between us is not that i don't like you all. Just that you guys can not understand me and always misunderstand me. A word in itself can have alot of meanings , the meaning of that word is determined by nothing. A man is free to choose how he interprets that word.Sadly , none of you will be able to understand my interpretation. What may seem just harmlessly funny may sound retarded and hurtful to you all. Vice versa.
No one owes you all anything , don't use the word 'friend' as a threat. Don't say 'On the account that we are friends , cant you just do this and that ?' Use that phrase one too many times and you will lose that friend.
Too many things have happened recently. Note that this post is not influenced by any one. Its just that i feel its an appropriate time to bring this up. I feel not anger but of regret , remorse and resent. Hiaz... what will happen next , i do not know. Perhaps the legendary TFBA is gonna come. I am prepared for it. I just needed to get this off my heart.
posted at [10:35 AM]
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Arghz .... i hate the world. One of the hamsters have just died again. Why must it be this way that when theres life , there's death. Why do creatures die ? I believe is to prevent over population but also to let us realise that we should live every day as our last.
Alright , now i really hate design and technology , i just can't seem to get it right. Either that or i just simply can't be that patient to slowly draw things and do research.
Life has reached a point that i no longer see any purpose in the existence of some people. Some people say that they exists to enchance the beauty of others. Utter bullshit. Those people are a sore in the eye. More details in the future posts. I am still a bit sad about this fact that i do not want to touch on this topic. Yet.
Also , recently , noticed a new trends Theres a new group of terrorists. Called the TBFA. Also known as , Tag Board Flamers Association. Common characteristics includes , lack of balls , prone to using vulgarities , lack of intelligence and above all , they are ashamed of their own names. Beware , one of them might just be targetting your blog already. Start putting some preventive measures to keep them at bay.
posted at [8:13 PM]
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Last night , there was a great storm.The wind and rain blew into my room and awakened me. I went to close the door and windows.I laid down and my bed and suddenly feel like thoughts were filling me up.I just have a few more days, i better buck up.
D&t is making feel like im so compressed. The school system is so screwed up and so merciless. Don't the teachers have any feelings towards the students? For goodness sake , we are not results producing machines. They often say its for our own good. But i often listen what they say yet think. If it is really for our good , what good has it done if has made us so unhappy?
Next , the government. I feel they are doing a screwed up job handling with our money.What i mean is that they are not doing what they are supposed to do with out money effectively. The money they spent on some things are overkill. Take a look at the new library.Yeah , its chic , its big , its cool. But, look at it this way. Who the fuck needs 7 storeys of reference library ? So little books for the general users , yet so much money spent on the minority users. Alot of other factors why i hate the current government. If i were to blog them all down , i might take a year or so to finish.Hm... perhaps i should go write a book , 'The screwed up government , Pay And Pay'.
O levels coming soon eh , but yet , im still so lost in my own world. I wish to study , but i honestly lack the discipline to study alone. Yet , i feel so awkard in asking ppl to study with me. Its like , ' Hey , you want to study ? Nah... dont come joke with me , bug off ~~~'. You get what i mean ?Haiz , perhaps i'm the type of dreamer. So many things in life i want to accomplish , yet lack the motivation to actually go do it.
posted at [11:11 AM]
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