Hm... long time no update le .... d&t rushing like crazy ... holidays 3rd and 4th week every day 9-6 , school first week and this week after school until 9 ... except this thurs ,fri and sat .... until7.30pm ... very tiring sia... no time to rest ... no time to think about things ....tml everything is gonna end ...and i will start a a new phase of rushing .... folio work rush.... now project work is gonna end ... many things that i have not thought about during this period came all back all right in my mind this night ... do i enjoy not thinking about some issues because i dont like them or am i happy because i have not thought of something that will make me happy yet wondering all the time ....i know this particular post is bit of a mess but... i am just typing whatever that goes through my brain right now...
I am trying to forget her by putting all my energy and my time into D&t but now i have more time ... everything about her seems to come back to me at the same time ... it hurts .. really...
About 2 years have passed .... the things , people , feelings around me and in me have changed .... sometimes i wonder change is good ... people keep telling me that i should into the future instead of thinking of the past ...but i wonder , is change really that good ? Do i really want change ? Do i need to change ? A part of me says yes ... i should learn to be more mature and understand that things and people will keep changing ... while another part of me says that i want everything to be as before and i will do anything to keep things the way they were before... but why should i change even though others are changing? some people just don't deserve that tiny bit of respect from me ... why should i restrain from injuring , insulting and irritating people when they don't even deserve me to treat them as a human but the more humane side of me tells me that if i treat others well , others will treat me as well ..... but currently it doesnt appear so ... if i treat others well , they just try to bully and take advantage of me ... the people around me are all like this except for a special few... remember , i may smile at you and treat you nicely but you will never know how much i dislike you until its too late ...
I dont really hate any one , i cant bear to do so ... but whatever pain you have inflicted on me ... i find it hard to forget pain ...i can forgive but never forget ... if theres only one thing i cant forget , its grudges. Besides what you may think as a joke could be and most likely is an insult that hurts others ... I talked less than usual recently because i realised that words are the most dangerous weapons ever created ... if i ever insult you in a moment of anger , im sorry .. but if i ever insult you because you make me unhappy first ,F*** YOU!
posted at [9:37 PM]
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